Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
