Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you had me at cake vodka
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize