i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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