Sober January is a disaster.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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