i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
