Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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