i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
