Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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