last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
