he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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