I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
