i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
