I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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