So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
