she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
