Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
