He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize