K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
