apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My bed smells like the plague
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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