god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
