The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
