she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
