just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
