also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
