It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
