well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
