I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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