M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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