he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
and eventually we just all took our pants off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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