So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
