All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
