Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
