wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
