I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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