ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
