Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
