oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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