We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
