hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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