I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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