I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
