I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
