I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
