New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
