I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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