Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
