I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize