You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
