Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
