i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
