she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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