There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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