Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
