Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He passed out mid-signature
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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