Im at strip club and am horny
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
