I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
