okay pat passed out under dana's car
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
