Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
