Acid is not a monday night drug
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
