I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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