If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
