im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
