piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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