what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's get the cat blown out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
