First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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