ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
