the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
