her vagina looked like bernie madoff
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
